I researched the 11:11 prophecy in the early 1990s and could find almost nothing. The internet was just in its infancy. Finally I phoned a numerologist who had never heard of the prophecy, but could tell me that one was the symbol for the center, so two ones side by side symbolized upheaval. Four is the number of completion, so four one’s = ultimate upheaval.

For years therapists and counsellers have told me that this prophecy is programming, i.e., a belief system purposely instilled in me to keep me silent and stuck in fear. But after 9:11 I wasn’t so sure. I wrote about 11:11 in Mad Dog, my first book, which was launched 9:13, 2001. The twin towers were attacked on 9:11. People died. The book died. What shook me  most was the usage of the term. In the 1960s my tormentors referred to 11:11. Eleven eleven, a usage that only came into vogue that fateful September morning when two planes flew into the towers. From then on we knew it as nine eleven. No one had ever referred to dates in quite that way before.

It’s now ten years later. Last night I went on the internet and googled 11:11. I got a new album. Several YouTube videos. One told me that if I kept seeing 11:11 on the clock little celestial beings were trying to talk to me. Another warned of coming planetary disaster. Another of planetary Shangri-la. There was a bizarre video emphasizing the similar physical appearance of Osama Bin Laden and Barack Obama, the President of the United States. What was clear, was that the number 11 holds special significance to Islamic Fundamentalists and anarchists alike.  The number 11 has significance in the Koran. Both the New York City attack and Madrid bombings were carried out on the 11^th day of the month. It stands to reason that 11 squared would hold some attraction. There may be a terrorist attack, anarchy may prevail for a time. But in the end anarchy is impractical and rarely lasts. I like to focus on the Hopi Prophecy, that after the iron fire falls from the sky, the world’s peoples will come together and reign as one for a thousand years of unprecedented peace.

What’s your favourite prophecy?

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Still, for those mistreated in decades past, the search for truth and justice has been fraught with obstacles. To cope with the rage and frustration I felt around public denial, I turned to activism.

Every year I try to attend at least one feminist or survivor conference in the U.S. and Canada to present on different forms of human rights abuses against women and children.  Linda MacDonald and Jeanne Sarson of Persons Against Ritual Abuse-Torture and I have given talks on the sexualization of torture, on human trafficking of young girls, on healing from ritual abuse-torture and child pornography. Typically at these conferences, I share personal details about my own childhood suffering, and although I often feel skinless and exposed afterwards, generally people listen with respect and are supportive. They are almost always surprised by the depth of human cruelty there is out there, and anxious to do something to change it.  Every time I speak out I feel like I have done something to break the cycle of  silence and denial. I have transformed my rage into a vehicle for social action.

In this way, activism is healing.

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I was afraid because when I was a little girl I was warned repeatedly that if I told, my mother would be murdered. The first time I told my therapist, I was suicidal before hand. Sick afterwards. For six years I slept with the lights on. But my mother didn’t die and neither did I. Still I kept waiting for the fear to leave me, but it didn’t.

Then a fellow activist, Linda MacDonald said to me, “You don’t just wake up one morning courageous. You get that way by working through the fear.” I realized that I was going to have to do the things that terrified me if I wanted to be truly free. After all, the perpetrators wanted me to be fearful. It was a tactic to keep me silent. Pedophiles thrive on secrecy.

So to overcome my fear I began approaching people, speaking out, going to conferences, disclosing to friends. I began doing things I was afraid of. Initially, there was a huge backlash. After every talk, I was ill, I had anxiety, I didn’t sleep. I learned I had to take baby steps. I still feel fear all the time. But I am not as limited by fear. So now I do one thing I’m afraid of a week. It’s my rebellion! It’s my one-woman act of non-violent resistance. I feel sick before I do it and after I’ve done it, I feel victorious, liberated and best of all, fearless!

What frees you from fear?

I found myself reviewing the last 25 years and listing all the different healing modalities I’ve tried: Jungian analysis, psychotherapy, intensive regression and feeling work, massage, Rolfing, acupuncture, meditation, tantric and otherwise. But still my list didn’t answer the question. There wasn’t just one technique that did the trick or even one level. I worked on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels. I tried everything to get well. And getting well seems like a dally event, an ongoing process….But what was the key? What did all these therapies have in common?

After the conference I was talking to my colleague Jeanne Sarson, who said to me “We’re practicing a new kind of feminism. Relational feminism.” She mentioned the words: human connection. Then it hit me….the one thing that had been healing in every case, was a positive human connection.

My grandmother was the only adult I knew as a child who told me I was a good girl. I thought of myself as difficult and unloved because those were the messages I got from the pedophiles. I was often a bother to my single mother who couldn’t cope with the needs of a traumatized child. Later in my twenties I found a kind woman therapist. Her listening validated my experience and gave me the courage to share. On my healing journey I have been blessed with at least one kind stranger who offered me compassion. Those single acts of kindness, even when they were fleeting and far between, as they were in my girlhood, were the raft that kept me from drowning, and upon which I began to build a healthy self, healthy relationships, a new faith in myself and the world.

We often don’t realize how one small act of generosity can resonate in a child’s life. Next time someone asks me what helped me survive, I won’t list all the techniques I’ve tried. I will say: human kindness saved my life.