I have spent most of my life crippled by fear. Fear of crowds, fear of strangers, fear of intimacy, fear of public scrutiny, of failure and of success. As a result, I spent the early years of my life avoiding people and places. I was agoraphobic and reclusive. I spent my time trying to build a life that was safe and free of stress. But as I got older I saw that I had only built a more comfortable cage to hide in. And I was still fearful.

I was afraid because when I was a little girl I was warned repeatedly that if I told, my mother would be murdered. The first time I told my therapist, I was suicidal before hand. Sick afterwards. For six years I slept with the lights on. But my mother didn’t die and neither did I. Still I kept waiting for the fear to leave me, but it didn’t.

Then a fellow activist, Linda MacDonald said to me, “You don’t just wake up one morning courageous. You get that way by working through the fear.” I realized that I was going to have to do the things that terrified me if I wanted to be truly free. After all, the perpetrators wanted me to be fearful. It was a tactic to keep me silent. Pedophiles thrive on secrecy.

So to overcome my fear I began approaching people, speaking out, going to conferences, disclosing to friends. I began doing things I was afraid of. Initially, there was a huge backlash. After every talk, I was ill, I had anxiety, I didn’t sleep. I learned I had to take baby steps. I still feel fear all the time. But I am not as limited by fear. So now I do one thing I’m afraid of a week. It’s my rebellion! It’s my one-woman act of non-violent resistance. I feel sick before I do it and after I’ve done it, I feel victorious, liberated and best of all, fearless!

What frees you from fear?